This page was heavily revised in October.
A few years ago I stumbled across Stoicism via A Guide to the Good Life by William B. Irvine.
This is one of the best books I’ve ever read, as measured by real-life impact. The philosophy has done me a lot of good, so I’d like to share it.
(I’ll cover only this single book because I’ve had no reason to read anything else about Stoicism.)
This page consists of notes from the book and related things that come to mind.
Stoicism as a philosophy is not at all described by the word “Stoic” as used in modern English; Stoicism has no disposition against joy. Instead, Stoicism is about avoiding negative emotion in the cases when negative emotion is unhelpful.
Crucially, Stoicism starts its reasoning from the worst that things could possibly be and then builds up from there.
I’ll provide a quick summary of its tenants before going into more detail.
Focus on what you can control in your life. Do not ruminate on what you can’t.
The only thing you can completely control is your actions.
Real-world outcomes can never be completely controlled, but we can exert some influence by our attempts.
We cannot exert influence over anything else in life. Accept this and your life will be better.
If you want the world to be a certain way, first note that this is not in your complete control. Thus, make your goal to try your hardest instead (rather than to to get what you want). Now you’re back in total control.
This may sound limiting, but many people have found this extremely freeing. Try it.
Before you do anything, first imagine the worst possible outcome. Second, voluntarily accept the possibility. Third, expect it to happen. Fourth, move on.
Happiness is closely tied to the level of one’s expectations, regardless of that level. In which case, what level would you choose?
By doing this, you will be pleasantly surprised most of the time! Rarely will you encounter something close to your expectation— and then, you will not be surprised.
Thus, if you get hurt physically or emotionally, you should’ve planned for it by either taking steps to limit the risk, or accepting that getting hurt was a possibility. In this way, it can be freeing to act as if everything is your fault.
Thus we’re solely responsible for our own happiness, or lack thereof.
Ponder endings and death often.
They’re out of our control. Accept them.
Categories: “Negative visualization”, Appreciation, Focus, Comfort, On Living, Interacting with others, Criticism, Anger, Impulses, Randomness, Miscellaneous, and Reflect on your Stoicism.
Before you do anything, imagine the worst possible outcome. Then voluntarily accept its possibility, expect it to happen, and move on.
Essential to practicing Stoicism is cultivating the habit of imagining the death or cessation of the people, places, experiences, and things you love.
This way, we can get in front of the surprise of “you can’t appreciate it until you’ve lost it”. While you still have such things, frequently pretend that you’ve lost them so you can appreciate them.
Contemplate daily:
Loss of any or all of these could happen at any time, and potentially soon.
Pondering death and pondering loss aren’t ‘negative’ thoughts; they’re real thoughts.
To contemplate these things daily may sound negative or depressing, but try it for a week. There will be a last time for everything. The objective is to appreciate what we have while we have it.
If you have ever been surprised by a negative outcome, consider it your own fault for not expecting it in advance.
This goes to the extreme. Expect to lose everything between now and tomorrow, and then be overjoyed when that doesn’t happen.
In this way it can be freeing to act like everything is your fault.
A note on grief: We should expect, accept the possibility of, and plan for, the death of everyone we love. They may be more youthful than us, but death doesn’t care. Grief, negative emotion, will still occur, and that’s okay. What’s worth avoiding is extended grief.
Perhaps children are so joyful because they don’t take anything for granted.
A true Stoic wouldn’t just appreciate water in the glass, but the presence of the glass. He would then further appreciate that the material of glass—a solid yet somehow transparent material—is a miracle itself! Moreover, he would appreciate that he can see at all! And it goes on . . .
“Happy that it happened, not sad that it’s over”: Use negative visualization, coupled with focusing on the joy that something happened at all, to overrule sadness that something has ended.
Focus on what you can control in your life. Do not ruminate on what you can’t. This will save a lot of trouble.
The only thing you can completely control is your actions.
Real-world outcomes can never be completely controlled, but we can exert some influence by our attempts.
We cannot exert influence over anything else in life. Accept that and your life will be better.
So, if you want the world to be a certain way, because this is not in your complete control, make the goal trying your hardest, rather than getting what you want. Now, you’ve placed yourself back in complete control.
It is only useful to think about things we have control over. Everything we don’t have control over isn’t worth thinking about. Once you have a plan, there’s zero utility in worrying.
For example, the past is already set and unchangeable. Learn from the past, and move on.
This second of life that you are experiencing now? Also set and unchangeable.
We do not have control over the appearance of impulses in our minds. Impulses aren’t us. Impulses are just waves crashing on a beach.
With every decision, seek to minimize the regret you may experience in the future. It is impossible to avoid regret together, but it can be proactively minimized if planned for.
“What would I most regret doing?” “What would I most regret not doing?”
Expect to fail at Y, and then think backwards to minimize the probability of failure.
Every event has a possibility of occurring. False statements: “This will happen”; “This won’t happen.” No, there are only probabilities.
Every future event is probability, and nothing is determined. By trying to influence something, we are only influencing its probabilities. This is the universe, accept it.
Occasionally and deliberately forgo frequent pleasures and endure infrequent pains to make sure you don’t become too comfortable.
Being too comfortable can itself be uncomfortable.
(Personally, I experience a deep discomfort when I feel like my comfort zone is an eggshell.)
Luxury can harm, weaken, and distract. Don’t let luxury enfeeble you.
You can’t get enough of what you don’t need.
Avoid pleasures that can hook and hobble you after one try.
“I don’t eat to please my palette; I eat to strengthen my body.”
“Hunger is the best appetizer.”
Who are you if you depend on external things in the world to be internally content? Prove to yourself that, to be content, you don’t need anything outside of yourself.
In general, joys that come from within ourselves are superior to joys that come from without ourselves.
Most pleasure is never remembered. Ex:
“Hey friend, what are you thinking about?”
“Ahhhhh, that forty-four seconds I scrolled through Instagram on January 14, 2020.”
“...”
True delight comes from doing work that fulfills you, and true delight is a good life.
All other pleasures pass quickly.
It’s easier to change what we want than change what we have.
Expect no more thanks for your work than a race horse receives after a race.
Even when things seem hopeless, keep practicing your Stoicism.
In marriage, compete to make each other happy.
When we’re young, we waste days because death is so far.
Events don’t “mean” anything intrinsically, they just are. All meaning to anything in life is self-assigned, and anything can have any meaning from a different perspective. A tree is just a tree. Death is just death. Birth is just birth.
Beware friends whose desires may taint ours, and beware friends whose whining may infect our tranquility.
Often, becoming annoyed at someone only makes the situation worse.
In these situations it helps to remember: 1) you’ll die someday; 2) there are people that find you annoying; 3) some people are simply bound to be annoying.
Pretending that someone acting rude is pitifully infected with a terrible disease is… surprisingly effective.
If you’re annoyed by someone else’s shortcomings, it helps to first reflect on your own.
Assume first that someone acting rude is merely having a bad day. Assume that their circumstances are influencing their behavior to be negative, rather than their character. Ex:
That person that cut you off in traffic? What if the driver is a mother whose child was choking in the back seat, and her driving maneuver was the only way to prevent her kid from choking any longer? It may not be true, but it’s still better to believe for the sake of your own tranquility.
The best revenge against someone is to refuse to be like them.
When we seek the approval of others, we voluntarily give away our freedom.
When someone is perfectly cooperative, look for a hidden dagger.
“I don’t remember you wronging me” is better than “I forgive you”/“It’s okay”.
If someone you don’t like disapproves of your actions— well, that’s good! Would you really want them approving of your actions? That would be really worrying!
We cause the insult to sting. We give it meaning, and we allow their words to be credible. Thus, if you get hurt by someone else’s words, you should reflect on your values and how they can be improved.
Responding to criticism: use humor, especially self-deprecating humor. Alternatively, respond with laughter, or respond with no reaction at all.
“Pay attention to your enemies, for they will be the first to realize your mistakes.”
Before criticizing someone else, consider whether they can handle it.
(And, often, one’s ability to handle criticism correlates closely with the quality of the person.)
Anger is often a waste of time: It disrupts one’s tranquility too much, and is too difficult to control. Thus, do not use anger for motivation.
Before you get angry, hesitate. Hesitate before jumping to conclusions.
Remember:
1. everything changes, and everything passes.
2. you will die, potentially soon.
If you’re still angry, force your body to behave in the opposite way that anger would behave: Find a way to laugh, breathe slowly, and walk slowly.
But if you do act on anger, admit fault and apologize. Most people can’t do this.
And while it usually doesn’t help to get angry per say, there are totally circumstances where it makes sense to punish someone such to caution their future behavior. Anger as prevention, not retribution.
In this case, it can be useful to feign anger, thus motivating others without sacrificing your tranquility.
To discover the true value of something, examine its components. Ex:
“Sugar is just this white crystal that stimulates nerves on your tongue.”
Having a philosophy simplifies life and all decision making. It doesn’t matter which philosophy, it doesn’t have to be Stoicism.
Often, zero is easier than some: It’s much easier to “never eat cookies” than “eat cookies only sometimes”:
Accept the randomness of the reality.
Sometimes things happen for absolutely no reason at all!
Pick up Stoicism now to prevent regrets when you’re older.
“We suffer more from imagination than from reality.” ~Seneca the Younger
If you pick up Stoicism, others may mock you for having different values than them (because you are therefore insulting their values). You can be a stealth Stoic, if desired.
The goal with any habit, like Stoicism, is to practice it everyday. This matters far, far more than trying to always be perfect.
Periodically ask yourself:
Make this a real habit. Be deliberate with it. Get a notebook; set a reminder on your calendar. Document the results and you will be amazed in only a year.
I’ve tried my best to distill Stoicism here to be more accessible.
And, congratulations, you just took philosophical advice from an 18 year old! Hehehe…
As to not distract the reader from this longer essay, I chose not to link some other essays of mine that I think are relevant. Here they are now:
If you would like to read the book complete with stories, further explanations, and Stoicism’s history, click the cover.
This is an Amazon affiliate link so I’m required to say, “As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.”
Posted 2020 July 2020, revised 2020 October 23, last updated 2020 November 24.