Chris Lakin

How do you find people you’ll like? Be polarizing.

I prefer to be alone than to be with most people, so I don’t mind filtering through the vast majority of people in search of the few I really like.

I know I can’t be close friends with everyone around me, so I’m not looking to satisfy everyone with my thoughts, opinions, and behavior. I think this is a preferable way to live.

What follows is my strategy for finding interesting people.

How do you find people that you really like?

Share your thoughts, opinions, and beliefs strongly, without restraint, and always. Be polarizing.

I think we usually do a dance of opening up slowly when meeting other people. If what you’re looking for is people to be real, close friends, why not skip that dance?—You were going to open up eventually anyway. That’s what this is.

After doing this consistently for a time, you’ll be left with a concentrated dose of people who really like you at your rawest and truest— and these are just the people that you’re likely to like.

Note that the objective of this isn’t to necessarily select for people that merely believe the same specific things as you, but the objective is to select, on a meta level, for people who find strong beliefs interesting, even if your specific beliefs are different than their own.

(And if someone sees your beliefs and wants to rationally debate them, then that’s all the better signal that they’re an interesting person.)

I think strong beliefs can help steer a discussion towards truth, and that benefits everyone.

Sing your own song. Be (almost) raw. Be polarizing to attract the best and filter the rest.


Do you disagree with this essay’s claim? I’d love to hear what you think.


A personal example of this in action.

You may be interested in a related philosophy, Stoicism.


2020 August 2 (posted) – 2020 November 2 (revised) - 2020 November 9 (updated)