Chris Lakin

Fulfillment ≠ Pleasure

I believe the default framework for thinking about happiness (in American culture) is detrimental. Fulfillment does not come from pleasure.

There are two types of pleasant emotion that are often conflated: short term happiness, and long term fulfillment.

Crucially, the former is more like lust, and the latter is more like love. One lasts and has a meaningful purpose, the other is ever-fleeting.

A few people have told me before something along the lines of “eating cookies makes me feel happy”, but does it really? Do the thousands of cookies you’ve eaten in your life make you any happier at all in this moment? I really don’t think so.

Or, for example, browsing social media might be easy and somewhat enjoyable right now, but when was the last time you reminisced about scrolling through feeds at 12 am last last Thursday?

Short term happiness is infinitely fleeting.

 

I don’t mean to say that short term happiness is worthless, but instead: happiness-lust isn’t the main objective of life.

We have to be careful about mistaking the pleasure of the milestone for the fulfillment of the journey.

Distractions

Pursuit of pleasure for short term happiness is too often a distraction from greater pursuits.

We sacrifice future fulfillment so we can be fleetingly happy today:

It’s easy to optimize for the short term! It’s easy to grab for what you can see today and get for certain.

Worst of all, once impatience like so becomes a habit, it’s no longer as easy to temper yourself to await possibly-nonexistent rewards in the future— even though those rewards are usually far greater.

And when everyone around you is a role model for not patiently tempering yourself for optimal long term value, how are you to figure out that there’s a better way?

Extrinsic motivations

All reward-based achievements succumb to the hedonic treadmill eventually. They don’t last!

Your next achievement won’t make you permanently and ecstatically happy—because your last achievement didn’t.

The next car, gadget, whatever you buy won’t make you permanently happy, either—did the last?

Extrinsic motivations are not the goal! They may occur, and they may be nice, but they will never satisfy.

If happiness truly were based on absolute, rather than relative, circumstances, why aren’t Americans the happiest people in the history of the world? We definitely have the most…

What’s left?

Without short term pursuits to be primary, what else is there left in life?

Very little, I think— but this makes the question of what’s meaningful very clear—

Really, what else is there!

Fame, excess money, power? All completely meaningless on their own. Fulfillment is found on the inside— or else you’re shackled by reality.

So, don’t lie to yourself. Don’t let yourself waste another minute pursuing things that won’t actually fulfill you.

Fulfillment does not come from pleasure.

Worst of all, by stealing your attention, the pursuit of pleasure prevents you from not only striving towards your potential, but from realizing the greater potential of long-term fulfillment.

It’s not that we should ignore feelings of pleasure (no, those are there for a reason, usually), but it’s that pleasure isn’t the only thing to pay attention to—and it definitely isn’t the first priority of a good life.

It’s a trap. We can do better.

Parting

Yes, this is hard. It’s easier to optimize for the shorter term, but only when your habit is already impatience.

Options are:

Unfortunately, I know of almost no one young that’s strengthened themselves in this way. Be the rare, valuable person that has.


Do you have comments on or disagreements with this essay? I’d love to hear your thoughts.


Relates to Stoicism.


 

2020 November 18